


if i could dream long enough (i know better now)

by okaythankyou



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, a song got stuck in my head and it's the only way to get it out, but it's not really angst, i got lost in the metaphors, i'm so sorry i don't know punctuations, i'm sorry in advance for adding another mimo angst, some alcohol mention, the format just happened and i'm not a poet of any sort, this is a ghost story so happy halloween i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-11-28 06:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20961908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaythankyou/pseuds/okaythankyou
Summary: momo dances through the waves and the memories ofher





	if i could dream long enough (i know better now)

**Author's Note:**

> this is an entry for #OncesNeverSleep fic fest
> 
> mina's "okaeri" to nayeon in that japanese interview  
and some others
> 
> hi, if you're reading this,  
thank you so so much, i hope you enjoy!  


momo blinks  
when she sees her  
veiled by the early morning sun,  
sound asleep before her eyes.  
waves of disbelief washes over  
as she scans her face,  
the face she had memorized.

_please_  
every curve, every part, every mark on her skin  
knows where they end, knows where they begin.  
_please tell me this is not a dream_

she can hear her heart pound so loud against the deafening silence,  
_if it is_  
its sound fills the hole where once her chest was.  
_i don't want to wake up_

mina slowly wakes and smiles at her,  
momo's breath hitches at the sight—  
her sleepy smile, so warm, so bright.  
she tries  
to smile back,  
as she fights the tears welling up in her eyes.

then she hears her voice, so soft, so light,  
and a bit raspy from sleep.  
_"hi"_  
a sound she always kept in deep.  
the voice she never thought she'd hear again  
aside from in memories she'd play on repeat.

she chokes back the tears threatening to spill,  
she tries with all her might,  
tries to believe that this is all real.

it comes in waves and she knows.  
as mina wraps her arms around her tightly,  
momo holds  
as if afraid of letting her go,  
never wanting to let go.  
she can feel mina burrowing her face against her neck  
as everything rushes in and she knows  
she'll be nothing but a wreck  
when it's done.

_if this is what it takes_  
she lets her dive back into the covers  
_for me to be with you_  
and take everything back to the surface once again.

momo chokes back everything that's trying to spill out off her,  
but she knows how it comes and goes.  
and how the memories crash through her  
and remind her  
it's over.

they lay smiling in the sunlight  
_(their hearts breaking in the low light)_

that breaks through the cracks in their bedroom  
playing with each other under the blanket  
_(tears spilling in the heat of the moment)_

mina planting kisses on her face and teasing  
_(momo trying to stop her from leaving)_

the house once full of shrieks and giggles  
_(the house now screaming silence)_

so full of warmth, so full of love  
_(now so faded, so hollow)_

i love you  
_(i'm sorry)_

and she pulls her in  
_(and she walks out)_

momo holds her close in despair  
but she ends up holding nothing but air,  
air that she chokes on as if she has drowned  
if she could, she would scream out loud.

she feels her eyes sting,  
she feels her heart sinking  
as she curls herself up to a ball  
and lets everything out  
until she doesn't have tears left to cry anymore.

\----

momo blinks  
and sees mina smile  
as she stands by the kitchen door.  
she takes momo's hand and pulls her close,  
close enough that she gets intoxicated by everything from little to nothing at all.  
the faint jasmine on her hair  
to the scent of coffee and french toast in the air,  
she remembers  
as they sat across from each other.  
she wonders  
if she can ever recover  
from was the mornings they live  
that now she can only make-believe.

she can feel her warm hands and her gentle grip  
as she stands up to leave...  
she can see her whispering eyes, her perfect lips  
leave a mark on momo's cheek.

a kiss so sweet  
she never thought she'd feel it again,  
the things she'd do to be here again.

she pulls her to an embrace,  
_if only i had_  
she remembers all the times her heart raced  
and stops just in time,  
remembers all the times that she's keeping, and is keeping her alive  
_one more chance_  
_to make it right_

momo touches the same spot  
on her cheek,  
the spot that burnt through time by her memories.  
it's as if it's left an invisible scar  
to remind her she can never stray too far  
from the waves of pain, from the waves of sadness,  
that still washes over.

she sits at the same place at the table,  
the dishes still untouched on the sink.  
she's staring at the coffee cup across her and not be able  
to think  
where it went wrong,  
how it went bleak.

but she knows,  
in the end  
she did what she did,  
as she takes a swig off her drink.

funny how she finds ways to drown her sorrows  
but forgets that they can swim.  
as the tide grows with the longing,  
she knows how she's the only one who'll be drowning.

she drinks more, she knows it's dumb.  
it burns but she's now too numb  
to notice.

\----

momo blinks  
and they're sat on the couch.  
she sees mina holding a gift  
from her  
for now.

"it's us",  
it wasn't a question  
but momo nods.  
it wasn't much  
but she hoped it was enough.

she knows,  
when she sees her hold a hand over her mouth.  
she knows now,  
that her eyes are trying to hold back tears.  
she's sure,  
when she hears  
"how beautiful! it's beautiful momoring..."

she sees  
mina carefully holds in her hands  
which she gently shakes.  
in the glass case  
the glitters swim in tiny waves  
and gently cascades  
down a golden home,  
where two girls  
stuck in a dance only they know.

_for this_  
a smile breaks,  
"i love it... thank you so much"  
_i'd do whatever it takes_  
her gummy smile,  
that matched the glimmer and shine of her eyes.

the way momo marvels at this sight,  
a bit dazed but not confused, not this time  
and that was all it took  
for her to give in.  
she got nothing to lose,  
nothing to fear,  
but how to muster up the courage to find  
all the words she need her to hear.

she was always bad with words  
and feelings at the same time,  
but  
_"you'll be just fine"_  
she hears.

will she be right?  
she asks herself.

the night was young,  
and she could tell  
that her heart was sure,  
and she will  
finally take a step.  
one,  
two,  
to make the words roll off her tongue  
and close  
the distance the silence hung.

she always looked so pretty,  
looks so dreamy, looks so right,  
but tonight  
she was more than everything,  
everything momo could ask for and find.

_"i... love you mi-tan"_  
she said for the first time.

and says it again,  
like it was the first time  
it left her tongue.  
she knows it has been a while.

mina starts to cry as she puts it away.  
the way she'd keep it  
in her heart where its safe.

"i love you too momoring"  
now momo starts to cry too,  
the way she'd want to keep mina  
in her heart where she'd be safe.  
a promise she swore to make.

both of them smile from ear to ear  
and mina brushes her cheeks of all her tears,  
and pulls her close, pulls her in  
a kiss  
so soft, and warm, and deep  
momo takes her all  
in

through the tears  
they kiss—  
through the fears,  
through the unknown,  
unafraid of what their futures hold.

in that moment they only taste bliss,  
in that moment they only knew love,  
in between kisses and grins,  
their hearts made of glitter and gold.

_"i love you too momoring"_  
it rings  
in her ears.  
she looks at the table  
where it's supposed to be  
when she left  
but all there is,  
is dust.

she can only remember in fragments  
she can only remember in shards  
as if time  
won't let her forget  
how it's broken...  
_were we too young_  
_to know what was home?_

_i'm sorry_  
she says in the empty room  
it echoes  
her heart.  
_if i can only cause you pain_

in that moment she knew nothing but sorrow  
she only knew nothing but despair  
drink still in hand and a blank stare  
_if only it was easy to let go_

\----

momo blinks  
"… dance with me"  
they're in the living room where mina holds a hand for her.  
she knows her heart skipped a beat  
she feels her stomach flipping over  
just like the first time,  
the first time she saw her.

"you want to dance with me?"  
she asks and mina doesn't repeat.  
instead she pulls momo off her seat,  
she got both her hands over her shoulder.  
momo wasn't sure what has gotten over her,  
but she stands up, abrupt  
heart filled with wonder

ignores the lump  
that grew on her throat  
making it hard for her to breathe, swallow  
as mina holds  
her close—  
she can only follow  
and closer—  
with almost no space in between each other.

funny how the tables turn,  
since what she said  
were mina's words  
when she first met her.  
felt like forever  
until she agreed and danced with her.

and momo has danced for years  
but she doesn't know how  
or why  
it felt different.  
and no one could ever compare  
and she was aware  
but it's like their feet  
has taken them elsewhere.

when mina was the one by her side  
it's like learning to dance for the first time.  
but everything has never felt so right,  
and it has been a while  
she's felt like that

didn't think things can go better,  
but it has and even more than that  
as it might've been the best  
she had ever ever danced

she tries so hard not to notice  
how mina is too close  
that she can see the details on her face  
down to the tiniest of moles

she tries hard not to think  
how they fit perfectly into each other  
and how even their heart beats were in sync  
she has never felt this with any other

it almost felt like a dream  
but she knows it's not,  
when she feels her hand shake  
before mina settles them on her waist,  
that her stomach ties itself in knots.

she knows it's not  
when she can feel her breath  
when she put her arms by her neck  
and the way she starts to sweat  
when mina faces her

she knows it's not  
when she curses in her mind,  
because she thought she was alright  
but her knees start to buckle under her

"i'm sorry"  
and mina lets out a chuckle.

"you'll be just fine"  
mina whispers and she felt like she lost her hearing,  
tingles run down every fiber of her being,  
and she feels the blood rush from her veins to her cheeks

she knows now she could never lie,  
and because she also had nowhere to hide  
the way she feels,  
and the things that she has been keeping inside.

so for the first time  
in the whole night,  
momo throws a glance at her direction.  
and when they lock eyes  
and mina gives a shy smile  
at this moment,  
she swears  
it's like the world has stopped it's motion.

momo blinks  
and it's just her  
and everything else  
is mina,

everything in the world  
can leave and  
and nothing else,  
nothing else matters anymore than  
her  
and  
momo wonders if she can hold it in any longer.

"one, two, three"  
momo nods and mina wastes no time,  
hands now clasped tightly,  
they let the music and their souls intertwine.

graceful and gentle  
like they hold their hearts on the line,  
and little by little  
in every step  
they align

closer and closer they get  
with each and every time.  
they tread lightly,  
and glow brightly  
as they dance around the room

and across the hall  
their eager hearts rise as they fall  
in perfect sync,  
right on every beat  
without really knowing where it'll lead

as momo twirls mina around,  
she knows something she once lost she's found,  
and they go round and round  
she knows her heart has never beat this loud.

as they move to the kitchen from the living room,  
and she sees her under the light of the pale moon  
and she swears,  
she had never seen anything more beautiful  
that gravity lost it's pull

on her, on them, and they're off the ground  
but still dancing, where the only sound  
is their hearts keeping the rhythm all around  
even when the universe is free falling on the background

because in this moment it's only her that matters  
across time and space  
she starts discover  
how she's willing to give all of her days  
just to keep the way mina's eyes shine  
that could put all the stars to shame

momo blinks  
as she marvels and gets lost in her gaze  
she's a whole galaxy with a human name  
they spin together  
in a waltz of their own  
how she wants it to last forever  
because momo swears it felt like coming home

and it's as if mina welcomes her heart,  
the way she's the light in the dark  
is it too soon to ask her to never to part?  
momo wouldn't mind to start

as they say, home is where the heart is,  
and momo found one right where mina's chest is  
and she knew, that  
when her heart is taken by the reins  
straight out of her chest  
and just the way  
she lets it be led away  
to the foot of the stairs,  
and she didn't even care  
since it's mina  
and she'd let mina do that any day.  
shaky hands and knees long forgotten,  
and she feels the tide rise  
they're now feeling the current  
but it seems  
neither wants to swim against

momo didn't know how she got like this  
to only think of mina every time she breathed  
to dream of her every time she sleeps  
how she can only see her in every blink  
the one thing for sure  
is that she loved every second of it

and soft chuckles just fill the room  
when they catch their breath  
as they take each others  
she knew how this ends, soon  
but this was how it begins

momo leans in for another  
but mina runs  
she thought she could only wonder  
but she's looking back  
waiting for momo to follow her

they laugh  
as they fake interpretative dance on the stairs  
throwing in knowing glances  
and knowing stares  
they laugh  
one step  
as they chase each other down  
in the hall.  
two steps  
she knows now  
that both their hearts rise as they fall  
and how she just wants her  
close

momo reaches her in time to catch  
mina jumps and lets herself latch  
on to her  
as they went  
in the room  
where she lays her gently  
on the bed  
momo blinks  
as mina pulls her down  
the only way she'd want to drown  
in a kiss deeper than the last  
oh but the rush she felt  
when she flips her over  
fast

forever etched in her head  
where this night has led  
still they breathe and move in sync  
under the shadows  
under the light  
of the moon shine from the windows  
now momo really knows

_what i would give_   
_to have another dance_   
_with you..._

\----

momo blinks  
she's lying all alone in the bed  
bottle long gone from her hand  
she watches as mina pack her things as fast as she can  
she sits on the bed and she sees mina's tears fall,  
_wait_  
she runs to her and mina just mouths an i'm sorry  
_please_  
her grip on the bag loosens and her things fall on the floor  
leaving in a hurry  
_stay_  
she doesn't

momo waits  
for her to come back  
like how they welcomed each other everyday  
not a day they lack  
she picks up a shirt mina owns and holds it to her chest  
this time she doesn't drown when she smells her scent  
still, memories come through her  
in fragments, in shards  
to remind her that it will never not be hard  
for things that broke  
they stay broken  
did the glass shatter?  
did the glitter fade?  
were they wrong to believe that they were golden?  
is she wrong to make her stay?

momo blinks  
it was the middle of the night  
it wasn't even a fight  
to begin with  
she doesn't even remember what or how  
or what went on  
they just got caught in the heat of the moment  
they thought they were fine  
when they laid their hearts in the open  
but momo was a fool  
and mina was a craven  
what they thought was love  
were they mistaken?  
and all it took  
were fears awakened

_please_  
_come home_  
the door is always open

and when time flies  
momo watches the fragments  
of her memories  
flash before her eyes

when they didn't think about the past, and futures,  
only their nows.  
the house that was once warm and loud  
the house that kept them safe and sound

when the only thing they left were footprints  
when the only thing they drown into were kisses  
when the only thing they got drunk in was love

it was enough  
and momo starts to keel over  
and close her eyes  
wondering how much longer  
can she do this for  
how many times will she feel like she had to take it back  
she wanted to  
but not anymore

she remembers  
running with all her might  
and sees mina crying on the street  
when she ran away that night.  
she knows she's sorry  
she knows she didn't mean to  
she knew it wasn't the best way  
but it was what she knew  
_if only you knew_

"momoring..."

momo blinks  
as she feels all her breath leave her lungs  
she's here  
_minari_  
she's home  
the same mina she's been dreaming about  
for how long now,  
she couldn't remember anymore.

she gathers her strength to stand up  
_how_  
and walks  
closer to her  
one step  
and two  
_i loved and will keep on loving you._

momo blinks  
as she looks at her face  
the face she had memorized  
all curves, all parts, all marks on her skin  
but there's something more  
something bigger, she's holding in  
she notices something  
their glass, their glitter, their gold  
their home  
in her heart she still holds

_...dance with me_

she knows it's only on her mind  
but as she closes her eyes  
for the first time in a long time  
she couldn't help but smile  
while tears roll off her face  
she wakes  
and lets her fingers trace  
the face she had memorized  
all curves, all parts, all marks on her skin  
she feels it all again  
her eyes, her lips,  
and how she holds  
her hands, her fingertips  
she lives it all again  
she hears  
her heart beat,  
her sound,  
her taste,  
her breaths,  
her sighs,  
and as she spins her she hopes  
they atleast had slowed down time.

as she hears the music in the air  
she breathes her scent in her hair  
it takes back time to the life they lived  
together  
and everything she had given  
she'd have given a million times all over.

as they dance around the house again  
where they moved close and closer than ever  
she knows she could only hope for this to last forever,  
but she's fine  
as she feels mina's hands on her neck  
her hands on her sides  
foreheads together  
and they slow dance  
like their first,  
and they kiss  
like their last,  
and this time she laughs  
because it makes her feel alive.

and when she sees her smile  
and it's like the world is in motion once again.  
like she's seeing color as how it should and always been.  
and it paints the house now with  
the warmth, the gold, the glitter, the glass

for the first time in a long time she felt complete,  
and she'd give, and give, and give  
because now she'll never have to feel the need  
to be alone  
and she still, as she knows  
she always will feel like home

she opens her eyes,  
and mina blinks  
through her tears  
and is looking at her,  
as if she can see  
momo reaches out to touch her face  
but she can't  
_i know it's too late_  
she

knows, she always did  
things mina doesn't notice  
she did

like that night  
that speeding car  
the glass shards

she truly kept her promise  
and all it took was  
one step

momo blinks  
as mina takes  
two steps

and she passes through her  
_i promised to keep you safe_

momo blinks  
against a bright light  
as she runs closer  
with all her might  
to push her

and tears roll off mina's face  
"i'm sorry..."

_mi-tan don't cry now, i'll be just fine_

that look on her face was grief  
and momo knows  
she always did

_mi-tan_

she swears in that moment  
her eyes changed  
she saw something there  
a glint

did she hear her  
call her name?

she can only hope

"momoring…"

it's as if she did as she's looking all over  
and she holds her chest  
as momo comes closer

"tadaima"

and mina smiles  
but she couldn't help but cry

momo knows  
it's alright

it's just what she was waiting for  
it's what she was holding on to

so she moves  
close

and whispers to mina

_okaeri mi-tan_

and she leaves everything that she holds  
she feels herself float  
last thing she sees  
is her everything

everything  
beginning to be filled with a warm glow

**Author's Note:**

> blame this song  
https://youtu.be/stdr6o0-HOM
> 
> this is my first and i'm really happy that i got to share it with you.  
i'm @twiceaulovebot on twt!


End file.
